just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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