i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
