I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize