I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
