3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
