how can u be prego again
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I cut my penus on the lid.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
