Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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