who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
don't judge my taste in strippers
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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