How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I stole a fireplace last night.
Found the puke drawer
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
