so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
