So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize