After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
