we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
