I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
