I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's shark week go big or go home
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
