I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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