WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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