i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
