I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize