i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
