I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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