By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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