we have pet lesbian snakes
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
