explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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