a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
