How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
