Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
