omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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