This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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