I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
