I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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