I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize