The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
