saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
