yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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