Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
