Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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