i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
