I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
