Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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