Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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