you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
