I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
