you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
