i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
