I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
