He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
