he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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