i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize