Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
