my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
