I didn't shave. On purpose
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
