tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
