I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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