So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
