Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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