She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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