Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
