I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
