Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
