Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
