My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
