Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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