haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
be right there i have to get my cape
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
