I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
