My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
