Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
