I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize