having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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