I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
